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He senses that his enthusiasm for sex is far greater than yours, and knows this won’t play out well in the long run.He senses that your enthusiasm for sex is far greater than his.ANTIDOTE: Once again, more cluelessness than malice operating here. The antidote to this is the “one step forward, two steps back” protocol, as I describe it in The Tao of Dating, Ch. Sometimes you have to prime the pump to get things going again.So you give him a call, send him a message, tease him a little, and make it playfully but clearly known that his company would be welcome: “So. A month into the relationship, she issued an ultimatum that, in retrospect, was such a marvel of simplicity and effectiveness that I’ve been teaching it to my female students ever since: “Listen, I think you’re really great, and we obviously have a great time together.There he was, showing up outside your castle window every day in his mostly shiny but frankly also a little rusty armor, strumming his lute and warbling his troubadour songs. Now, I don’t know exactly what was going on in your particular situation, Sheila, since I wasn’t there.There he was at the opera house, his head low and eyes up giving him that simultaneously worshipful and conspiratorial look, passing you a note saying, “Meet me at the fountain when the clock tower strikes nine.” There he was, texting you right back when you texted him, even asking you out on actual grown-up dates to actual grown-up places like concerts and lectures, and then… However, I do know that I have been that man many, many times.When were you planning on taking me out again, big boy? Then I met this really cute, supersmart adventurous grad student at a party. But if we’re going to continue, I like to have depth in my relationships, and it’s difficult to get deep with you if I know there are other women involved.” Then step back, and wait for him to do something. If he doesn’t, give it a couple of days, then try again. We hit it off, the sex was amazing, and now there were four. So if you’d like to keep seeing the other women, that’s fine, and I’ll miss you a lot, but I’ll have to bow out.
And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.
It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you.